That’s how I feel about my decision to rank all ofElden Ring’s major locations.
But it isn’t Lake of Rot’s rottenness that puts it at the bottom of the pile.
Points for functionality, but that’s about it.
Big “two hours until deadline” energy.
Roundtable Hold
I honestly wasnt sure whether to include theRoundtable Holdin this list at all.
Ainsel River
There are two underground rivers in Elden Ring, and Ainsel River is the weaker of them.
It’s smaller, more awkward to navigate, and involves fighting far too many giant ants.
Nonetheless, it is ultimately a sewer level, obliging me to mark it down.
Nokstella, Eternal City
Nokstella, Eternal City is basically a Nokron: Eternal City tribute act.
It plays all your favourite tunes including the hit singles Starry Cavern Ceiling and Ruined Classical Architecture.
Yes, I am that petty.
Yes, it has gorgeous golden lighting and pleasant, autumnal vibes.
And yes, the village full of madwomen is a neat area.
But it lacks the weirdness of Liurnia, or the abject horror of Caelid.
Also, it has a boss called “Wormface”, which is hardly FromSoft at its most inspired.
But it does a much better job of mixing those leftovers into an interesting dish.
It starts out with a knotty ramble through those eponymous roots, which acts a teaser for the Haligtree.
Mountaintops of the Giants
Now we’re getting into the good stuff.
But it has one major downside Fire Giant a strong contender forthe worst boss in the game.
Even the boss fight against the Ancient Spirit has a curious serenity to it.
The closest Elden Ring gets to a mindfulness retreat.
Academy of Raya Lucaria
This is the area I had most difficulty placing.
On the other, its filled with dickhead mages who spam you to death with cheap glintstone attacks.
Theboss fight against Rennalais also a mixed affair.
My only real complaint is that the whole area is astonishingly brown.
Caelid
As a holiday destination, Caelid is bottom of the pile.
Even Lake of Rot doesn’t see you chased by giant dinosaur dogs and psychotic megacrows.
But as festering hellscapes go, you’d struggle to come up with something more disturbingly oppressive.
Caelid also sees Elden Ring at its most cinematic.
Limgrave
As Elden Ring’s starting area, Limgrave has an unfair advantage over the other regions.
It’s the place where you encounter many of the game’s most interesting features for the first time.
But this doesn’t change the fact that it is one of Elden Ring’s best areas.
But there’s so much else going on in Elden Ring’s ancient, sunken metropolis.
Stormveil Castle
One of the most comprehensive locations in Elden Ring, Stormveil has a bit of everything.
It’s a truly enormous fortification, with grand black-and-golden walls rotted from the inside-out by Deathblight.
It’s liberally scattered with traps, pitfalls, and cannily placed enemies.
It’s got its own township in the centre where you meet one of the game’s key characters.
It’s got both knife-wielding birds and knife-wielding lions prowling its interior.
And the area concludes with the splendidly ridiculous showdown againstGodrick the Grafted.
Stormveil is also the area of Elden Ring that has most significance when you’re not in it.
Crumbling Farum Azula
Elden Ring’s last unique location, Crumbling Farum Azula is also one of the strangest.
It’s a large, isolated floating island that simultaneously sustained and consumed by a cluster of anomalous whirlwinds.
Between it and the later Ashen variant, it’s also arguably the most important area in the game.
Miquella’s Haligtree
It’s absurd that Miquella’s Haligtree is an optional location.
It’s one of the most elaborate and imaginative dungeons in the whole game.
Volcano Manor
The best self-contained adventure in the whole of Elden Ring, Volcano Manor has it all.
More lava than you might shake a half-melted stick at.
