The answer is, it can’t.
The time has come, fellow pluviophiles.
It’s time to grade the very best rain that PC gaming has to offer.
Below you’ll find our eight worthy contenders.
Each has been chosen for their spectacular rendition of one of nature’s greatest phenomena.
Each one shall be marked according to my patented and cutting-edge WIPERS grading system for digital rain.
So drop what you’re doing.
It’s time to frolick.
This is an important endeavour which might shape the landscape of literature on simulated rain for centuries to come.
Now let’s get to the grading.
hey have a go at look a little more excited.
Why on earth don’t more battle royales have rain?
It’s an absolute scandal.
Regardless, The Cycle was my inspiration for writing this whole post, so it comes first.
And it sets the bar fairly high.
Intensity: 9
Alright, now we’re getting somewhere!
Petrichor: 9
I can’t help but feel that the game’s genre helps it out here.
I mean, being out in the rain is an adventure.
It’s relaxing, but it’s also exciting and stimulating.
Etherealness: 8
The wind effects are great in The Cycle.
Look at that tree at the end of the video.
That’s some good wind.
It feels surprisingly lifelike.
Sound: 8
Another pretty strong score for The Cycle.
That’s the kind of rain that I could listen to as I’m drifting off to sleep.
The far-off grumbles of thunder sound mighty and majestic, and the stabs of purple lightning sound suitably threatening.
A good show from our inaugural contender.
Now it’s time for a game that is known for its near-constant rainy nights.
Have a look below, and then let’s get grading.
That’s the exact moment Arkham Knight maxes out the wetness meter.
You need stronger rain to make me feel the droplets through my monitor.
Look closely at the droplets and you’ll see that they’re all angled slightly differently.
There’s something quite comforting about the fact that the rain is pretty much always falling in Arkham Knight.
It’s a constant.
Sound: 6
Why did they make the rain so goddamn quiet?!
Are you serious, Rocksteady?
I need to hear it in order tofeelit.
Next up we’ve got one of the most beloved open-world RPGs of recent years.
Is the rain as pleasant as the dulcet rasps of Mr Doug Cockle?
The world of The Witcher 3 is beautifully realised, and the weather effects are no slouch either.
Take a look below if you don’t believe me.
I think I’m drifting off already.
It matches the visual side pretty well, but there needs to be a bit more treble in there.
I want to hear the individual droplets hitting the thatched roofs that pass me by.
That’s The Witcher 3 scored and sorted.
Now for something completely different.
A side-scrolling 2D platformer, to be more precise.
Inside
Playdead’s Inside is a masterpiece of non-verbal storytelling.
It’s a fair old cloudburst, to be sure.
It’s not quite on the same level as The Cycle.
Playdead did a miraculous job of selling the feeling of being out in the rain with Inside.
There’s a lot of attention to detail going on here.
But this is certainly the most serene segment of the game.
Sound: 10
This is where Inside really knocks it out of the park.
If you have good headphones, turn up the volume and really listen.
It’s fucking fantastic, isn’t it?
It’s like the rain is coming down all around you.
And the squelching footsteps of the kid change as he walks over different surface types.
An outstanding showing from a 2D platformer.
CDPR should congratulate themselves for being the only devs with two games in this list.
Take a look at Cyberpunk 2077’s rain below.
Yep, those streets and concrete tiles look suitably moist, don’t they?
Intensity: 8
They’ve definitely upped the intensity a bit from the rainfall of The Witcher 3.
I’m a little irked by how sharply the rain cuts off the moment you go under any cover.
It looks a bit off.
A fairly good showing here.
I’d like it if the rain sounded a little bit closer to you.
I want those occasional beats of loud droplets right at your feet or on your shoulders.
But otherwise it’s a pretty pleasant, innocuous soundscape.
You might be feeling quite loose and tranquil after so many lovely rainy day scenes.
Rain World
Rain World is a singularly fascinating game.
But when the rain does fall, oh boy.
Wetness: 4
I mean… it’s by design, obviously.
These are daggers, tearing down from the sky and sinking themselves hilt-deep into the earth below.
There’s not much wetness to speak of here.
Intensity: 10
You’re not going to find a game with more intense rainfall than this.
Petrichor: 5
How well does Rain World evoke the feeling of being out in the rain?
Not my reality, anyway.
Obviously the rain here actually is just a 2D texture, because this is a 2D game.
I do have to give the devs props for the depth in that texture.
Restfulness: 1
Restfulness?
Never thought rain could be so ghastly.
“This rain better be damn good,” I thought to myself.
Well, I think the below footage speaks for itself.
That ground looks so incredibly good, doesn’t it?
It genuinely looks as though your boot would sink halfway into the ground with all that mud around.
Everything from the scattered puddles to the drips that fall from the tops of buildings just looks absolutely marvellous.
I’d put the rain here on par with the rain in Cyberpunk 2077.
Petrichor: 10
My god, I can almost taste the rain in this one.
Look on the right of the screen from the 20 second mark.
It’s so consistent.
It’s a bit bizarre.
Tell me you see that too, otherwise I’ll start to think I’m crazy.
It should just rain all the time in RDR2.
That would absolutely make me want to play through the whole story.
Sound: 9
Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.
We’re almost there, pluviophiles.
One more game to cover.
Place your bets: in which category will this next game’s rain excel, beating out all others?
I like the tracking, I like the exploring.
I don’t like the killing of animals at the end.
But hey, the game sure does have some damn good rain effects.
Because of the rain’s translucency, it’s harder to convey the intensity of the rain.
theHunter comes close to taking the cake when it comes to the Petrichor category.
Again, it’s easier for first-person games to mimic the feeling of being out in the rain.
It’s also really important that the rain feelscloseto the player.
Some of those droplets even land between the camera and the player’s gun.
It really feels like I’m being rained on.
I’m actually starting to feel a bit chilly.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but notice that each plant and tree leaf remains rigid and still.
Imagine how much better it’d look if you could see them rustling as the raindrops splatter onto them.
Restfulness: 10
All those who answered “Restfulness” to my earlier question, congratulations.
Right, that’s all eight contenders evaluated and graded.
Now’s probably around the right time to tally up the scores and present an overall winner.
But I’m not doing that.
The point wasn’t to figure out which game had the best rain.
The point is to say that even the very best rain in games isn’t yet perfect.
They all have lessons to learn from one another.
And then I’ll be one step closer to never having to step foot outside again.
