World is an ocean.
On the seas he calls kingdom, Noctilus is without equal, without mercy, and utterly without hesitation.
For what has a dead man left to fear?
I intend to honour this.
Do you hear me, lubbers?
I will show mystrategy gamemastery by conqueringTotal War: Warhammer 3s world, and I will never touch grass.
My goal here is to hit the short victory condition.
You might occasionally see a screenshot of Noctilus on some grass.
This a liars screenshot.
Nothing can make me touch real grass, even the games literal code.
Hes immediately met on the sea by an elf named Erethond.
When I hit him to view his army, he shouts ridiculous!
Its actually really simple, thinks Noctilus.
The mouse only has two buttons.
I raise some insta-dead, research a movement bonus, then get stuck in.
Theyre the only potentially nasty unit the elves have, so well worth sacrificing the bloater for.
Before that though, weve got some elf luring to do.
Luckily, the Necrofex Colossus has silly range.
I take pot shots at their archers until they figure theyve had enough and advance.
Been saving that one.
I end the turn forgetting to build anything on my ship, or recruiting any units.
I have apparently forgotten how hybrid horde armies work.
Lothern, the juiciest elf city, is a port, and also right around the corner.
I reason dealing a blow to Tyrion this early is a good shout, too.
I park up behind a volcano, do some housekeeping, and its on to turn three.
Wheres that monkey got to?
The funeral can wait, however, as there are elves to kill.
We wont fully encircle it obviously, because that would involve land.
Well just hang around at port looking menacing.
Replace the regular skull flag with the Elves r cringe flag.
This is sure to whip them into a frenzy and make them reckless.
Hes miles away, so its fine.
Its elf boss Tyrion, come to support the garrison.
I immediately dispel the elf magic, and sail back to Galleons Graveyard to rally the troops.
I research some tech, upgrade my settlement, recruit some artillery and…
The elves have fallen for my completely intentional ruse in which I pretended to be a coward.
As luck would have it, Im given a dilemma that buffs my gunlines.
Ive got two turns to recruit before Tyrion and Alastar arrive, so I load up on rifle zombies.
I dont want to brag here, but Ive got quite a lot of guns.
Not a single solitary sausage.
This is a rhetorical question, of course.
Did I mention my intense dislike for elves yet?
I was saving that one especially as treat for anyone who read this far down.
I pop a couple of brave sacrificial chumps in front of the artillery to soak up shots.
Before long, theyre in tatters.
I burn through my winds of magic, then send in the heavies to finish the job.
The city falls, like a precarious peanut balanced atop of a pile of dead elves.
What sort of dastardly army does the rogue Empire general have up his Gentlemanly sleevies?
That, mateys, will have to wait until next time.
Until then, be careful out there.
Grass, it turns out, is bloody everywhere.
